Most Wonderful Time Of The Year
4 days ago
Showing posts with label God Shapes Our Family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label God Shapes Our Family. Show all posts
07 June 2011
Eight years!
4,204,800 minutes
3 mortgages
5 addresses
8 cars
1 new motorcycle
1 totaled motorcycle
88 dinner parties
2 states
3 churches
1 stand mixer
a hundred coats of paint
2 dogs
1 fish
3 births
1 death
8 employers
1 broken toe
1 dislocated elbow
1 half marathon
2 college degrees
ten thousand tears
a million laughs
one love of my life.
Happy anniversary, baby.
I'm so glad God picked me to get to walk this life with you.
10 April 2011
We spent yesterday together.
Celebrating, picnicking, laughing, wishing, playing, weeping, aching, praising.
And we did it together.
So thankful for the ones and the One who loves us.
Happy 3rd birthday, daughter.
Our loss is your gain and we are just thrilled for you!
07 April 2011
Today marks the third anniversary of the day our baby girl left us for Heaven. I've spent the day remembering all the little details of her life I can - especially the details of the very day she passed away.
I remember exactly where I was sitting in this very house when I felt her kick for the last time. Man, how I want to go sit there again and be able to feel that kick just one more time.
I remember where my feet paced the floor as I talked to my sister on the phone that night, worried that something was definitely wrong.
I remember where I was sitting when Ryan brought me another glass of orange juice as we tried in vain to encourage our baby girl to give us a sign of life.
But what I remember most of all - as we learned the news that our child's life had ended and in the days that would follow, was the knowledge and comfort that our daughter was home!
And on both that day and this day I know without a doubt, that though death is a thief, Heaven is not a consolation prize to life - it's the Grand Prize! Oh, Evie-girl, you are in paradise! And our God, He is so, so good.
Missing our tiny Evie Grace today. Wishing she were here. Feeling the sting of death in our home as her absence is pronounced on what would be her third birthday this coming Saturday. And praising Jesus for conquering death once and for all, making available to all who believe - the hope of Heaven!
"Then the angel showed me the river of the water of life, as clear as crystal, flowing from the throne of God and of the Lamb down the middle of the great street of the city. On each side of the river stood the tree of life, bearing twelve crops of fruit, yielding its fruit every month. And the leaves of the tree are for the healing of the nations. No longer will there be any curse. The throne of God and of the Lamb will be in the city, and his servants will serve him. They will see his face, and his name will be on their foreheads. There will be no more night. They will not need the light of a lamp or the light of the sun, for the Lord God will give them light. And they will reign for ever and ever."
Revelation 22:1-5
23 January 2011
Today is an important day.
It's an important day to many people because it is Sanctity of Human Life Sunday, but it carries special meaning for our family because it is also the third anniversary of the day our lives changed forever.
We know that God creates each of our children with a purpose. And we know that that purpose is to bring Him glory and to enjoy Him forever. Three years ago today (I cannot believe it's been three years already!) we arrived at our ultrasound appointment, 20 weeks pregnant and hoping to catch a glimpse of our sweet baby. But we got more than that. Our sovereign God gave us the first small glimpse of what he was going to do in our lives - of how he was working out His plan in our daughter's life, and in her death.
We learned that the baby I carried in my womb was not going to be what we expected. We learned that God had lovingly made her heart with only two chambers. She only needed two chambers to do what he made her to do. We learned that her life would be short. We learned to love hard and fast and like every day was a gift.
A year after Evie's diagnosis I shared the video footage of the ultrasound from that day. On that first anniversary we chose not to focus on death, but on the precious life that was still somersaulting inside of me just one year ago. I love to watch that video and remember her alive and kicking - she was a feisty one!
What a lovely day to observe, as a nation, the Sanctity of Human Life, and to give thanks to the One Who shapes each of us as He sees fit to carry out His perfect will.
Thanks be to God for the life that he gives!
In an effort to observe this day and what it stands for, I would love for you all to share your little lives-to-be-celebrated here with me. If you or someone you love has lost a child through miscarriage, stillbirth, abortion or infant loss, I want to invite you to name that child here (write anonymously if you'd like). They are a part of the Plan, and their lives - however brief they may have been - give glory to our Maker.
They LIVED, friends! And because of the hope of the cross, we can one day worship our Creator alongside these little ones that we love and miss.
26 May 2010
Sing praises to the LORD, O you his saints,
and give thanks to his holy name.
Weeping may tarry for the night,
but joy comes with the morning.
You have turned for me my mourning into dancing;
you have loosed my sackcloth
and clothed me with gladness,
that my glory may sing your praise and not be silent.
O LORD my God, I will give thanks to you forever!
{Psalm 30}
08 April 2010
Yesterday was a hard day for us. It marked 2 years since our Evie went to heaven from inside my womb.
It's a difficult day for me because I still remember clearly those last movements up high in my tummy. I remember thinking to myself that they were significant - that I would be wise to take notice and appreciate them. I am so glad that I did. I'm grateful to have these memories - so grateful to the Lord for every memory I have of our Evie girl. And yet, having such clear memories of that day is also difficult. I know what time it was and where I was, and how my afternoon and evening proceeded from there.
As the clock counts the hours and minutes of the day I can't help but recall what I was doing at this time two years ago... planting flowers, cleaning the porch fan, playing with Oliver in the yard, sitting at the computer while Oliver rested...
And then she said goodbye.
And all the moments after that... worrying and waiting for another movement, making phone calls, telling Ryan what I thought had happened, and heading to Nashville to confirm our fear.
April 7th is a hard day to relive. Harder in many ways than the 9th -the day we finally said hello and goodbye to Evie. It's complicated that it's a three-day anniversary, but they are all a part of the story God wrote for her and we grieve and are comforted each day differently as we remember what the Lord has done. His timing is perfect and his ways are perfect.
Yesterday was no exception to this.
As I was missing my Evie girl yesterday afternoon, the UPS man arrived at our door with a package. And it was filled with something amazingly beautiful...
And I was reminded of His great goodness.
It's been two long years since our Evie left this earth. Two years of breathing in and out and putting one foot in front of the other. Two years of God's faithfulness to our family. And two years of His comfort in our pain.
And on the day we grieve the Earthly loss of our baby girl, we received an announcement at our door, reminding us of God's faithfulness, great love for us, and continued blessing on our family.
(Well, really two announcements, because I'm terrible at making decisions
when there are so many lovely choices...)
Holding these cards in my hands, yesterday of all days, announcing the birth and life of a healthy daughter was a tangible reminder that our God is a good and loving God. And, He is the same good and loving God this week as we was two years ago at this same time. He has not changed.
"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows."
James 1:17
In the early weeks and months of my pregnancy with Hazel I battled a great deal with fear and worry. A dear friend encouraged me to surround myself with God's promises and I took that exhortation quite literally. I claimed scriptures, printing them and posting them in prominent places in my home. I had Psalms on the refrigerator, hymns by my sink in the bathroom, and this passage from Psalm 27 on my dresser:
"I am still confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the LORD
in the land of the living.
Wait for the LORD;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the LORD."
Psalm 27:13,14
And now, two years after we said goodbye to our precious Evie Grace, and in the meantime consecrated two more precious tiny babes to our Father, we are reminded of His great love for us. Not to replace Evie Grace or to fulfill our desire for her (for that desire will never be fully satisfied on Earth), but to fulfill our desire for more children - and for a daughter to care for on this Earth. Our desire for our Hazel - she is here!
Isn't it amazing the way the Lord works? Sometimes in very subtle, almost indiscernible ways, and sometimes, by sending a man in brown to your doorstep with an in-our-face reminder of what God has done and is doing in our lives. And today, as our family reflects on God's constant presence and work in our lives, I am reminded of the verse He gave me that first time I visited Evie's grave site, and I claim it once again:
"The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me;
your steadfast love, O LORD, endures forever.
Do not forsake the work of your hands."
Psalm 138:8
He was not finished with us in Evie's death, and He is not finished with us in Hazel's life. He will continue to fulfill His purpose for me.
Lord, do not forsake the work of your hands!
...............................................................................................
On a much lighter note, I'd like to express a huge and sincere thanks to Tiny Prints for printing those absolutely fabulous birth announcements that were such an encouragement to me yesterday. We are so pleased. So many gorgeous choices, it took me forever to decide (hence only being able to narrow it down to 2 styles...)
Not only do they have great designs and gorgeous finished products, they also have a neat option for busy families. Get this: You can upload your address book to their website, place your order, and they will address AND ship your cards directly to everyone in your address book for you! Seriously.
Thank you for doing beautiful work.
22 March 2010
Can it be that these are our children?
Can it be that we have two precious babes on this Earth?
Two foreheads to kiss, two heads to keep warm, two tummies to feed?
Two precious babes entrusted to us in their youth,
Two children to grow up in our home,
Two children to pray for
that they would grow in "wisdom and stature and
and in favor with God and man"?
Can it be that they're ours - that they're actually here and real and ours?
And yet, they belong to their Father.
Can it be that He entrusted them to us?
What a humbling thought!
Lord, give us grace as we raise these children to know and love you.
Give us wisdom as we train them to love each other and others.
Give us faith to trust you and your sovereign plan for each of their precious lives.
Can it be that these beautiful babes are our children?
05 March 2010
Oliver asked his Daddy to bring the hourglass off the mantle the other day so he could watch the sand go through it. Then he asked for a chair so he could get as close to it as possible without touching it (a strict rule!). As he watched it go through the tiny hole Oliver told me he was imagining the sparkly white sand was snow. Ah, the world through the eyes of a 3-year-old! Simple pleasures. Big imaginations. Finding great joy in the things we walk past on our mantle every day.
You're only 3 once. So why not enjoy it!?
______________________________________________
In baby news: we too feel a bit like we're sitting around, just watching an hourglass these days. These are waiting days. Loooong waiting days.
We had a very hard night on Wednesday. I was having contractions and feeling pretty achy all afternoon and by 7:00 they were regularly 3-5 minutes apart and were increasing in frequency, intensity and duration. (And by intensity, I mean I was suddenly reminded: "Oh yeah, THAT's what labor feels like. Ouuuuuuch!") We were in labor mode - made final additions to our hospital bag, called our labor support to make sure they were ready when we needed them and getting really excited that we were going to have our baby SOON!
But then it stopped. After 4 hours of good, intense, regular contractions, it all just went away and we fell asleep exhausted.
I'll be honest: that shook us pretty badly. Experiencing a night of labor and waking up in the morning without a baby in our arms was a little too painfully familiar. A little too close to home.
The good news (and the BIG difference) is that we do still have a baby to show for it. She's still here and doing great (and making me feel VERY big and uncomfortable today).
I guess false labor happens, but it doesn't mean that real labor won't eventually happen too. We're just hoping that next time my contractions get as strong and regular as that, they won't stop! I'm SO ready to meet this girl!
Until then, we feel a bit like Oliver - just watching that hourglass. And, trying to remember that even these days are gifts. They're the last days we'll have as a family of just three. Our dynamic is about to change in a big way!
Oliver has the right idea. We're remembering find delight in each sand that goes through the tiny hole. There is beauty in the sand on top and the sand on the bottom for sure; but the process is beauty all in it's own!
10 days and counting! trying to make each one count!
18 January 2010
Our sweet Evie girl lived 212 days from her conception to her death.
212 short but precious days.
212 days we will never forget.
212 days that will shape us forever.
212 days we sometimes wish so badly we could have back, if just for a moment.
212 gifts from her sovereign Father to her and to us.
We would say there were too few, but the truth is, there weren't. She lived not a day too many or a day too few. Our sovereign Lord ordained these days for her before the mountains were born and before He formed the seas.
Still, we ache for more. And, we ache to have those days back again. And we find comfort in the innumerable days we have ahead with her in paradise.
Tomorrow, by the grace of God, our precious baby Hazel will live her 212th day.
We will encounter the day in this pregnancy that we said goodbye to Evie Grace in that pregnancy.
It is a milestone.
It's a happy milestone. Perhaps a little bittersweet as we remember the events that unfolded in those days then.
But mostly, it's a day to celebrate God's gift to Hazel.
And so is day 213 and 214 and every single day that God gives to her.
These days are precious. Every one of them. And because we have tasted the grief that comes when the days stop, we are all the more aware of the sanctity of each day we and the ones that we love are given.
The Lord has blessed our family abundantly! Tomorrow, our Hazel will live her 212th day! And in total, He has given to Ryan, Oliver and me 21,211 days!
They're not just numbers. They're gifts! Like talents to be sown!
Teach us to number our days, oh Lord!
To give thanks to you for our daily gift of breath and to use it for your glory!
"Lord, you have been our dwelling place
throughout all generations.
Before the mountains were born
or you brought forth the earth and the world,
from everlasting to everlasting you are God.
You turn men back to dust,
saying, "Return to dust, O sons of men."
For a thousand years in your sight
are like a day that has just gone by,
or like a watch in the night.
You sweep men away in the sleep of death;
they are like the new grass of the morning-
though in the morning it springs up new,
by evening it is dry and withered.
We are consumed by your anger
and terrified by your indignation.
You have set our iniquities before you,
our secret sins in the light of your presence.
All our days pass away under your wrath;
we finish our years with a moan.
The length of our days is seventy years—
or eighty, if we have the strength;
yet their span is but trouble and sorrow,
for they quickly pass, and we fly away.
Who knows the power of your anger?
For your wrath is as great as the fear that is due you.
Teach us to number our days aright,
that we may gain a heart of wisdom.
Relent, O LORD! How long will it be?
Have compassion on your servants.
Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love,
that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.
Make us glad for as many days as you have afflicted us,
for as many years as we have seen trouble.
May your deeds be shown to your servants,
your splendor to their children.
May the favor of the Lord our God rest upon us;
establish the work of our hands for us—
yes, establish the work of our hands."
Psalm 90
13 January 2010
I am thinking tonight of some dear friends. Two families we love dearly should be saying hello to their new babes this week and instead they have already said heartbreaking goodbyes. I am sad with them. And I hope with them. And I remember their sweet baby boy and precious baby girl and am thankful for their little lives.Our God is faithful, friends. So faithful to redeem - to turn our grieving into dancing.
I love these words from the prophet Isaiah:
The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,
to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the LORD
for the display of his splendor.
Isaiah 61:1-3
Missing your sweet babes this week, friends.
03 November 2009
It's okay if it takes a few minutes (or more) for it to settle in. It's sort of a big name for a little baby. It took us a while looking at photos of blonde little girls and imagining them with that name before we could commit. :)
Hazel comes from the Hebrew hazā'ēl which means "God sees", and oh my does that mean everything to me! It reminds me of David's words in Psalm 139, I love that:
"O LORD, you have searched me
and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD.
You hem me in—behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,"
even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you."
We also realized after talking with Ryan's parents that Hazel is also her great-great-grandmother's name on Ryan's side. Isn't that a happy happy providence!
Wren means "little bird". We like that it's got the same feeling as Hazel and it reminds us of Jesus' words about the birds of the air in Matthew 6:25-27:
"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"
So, what does Hazel Wren mean to us? It means,
"Worry not, little bird. God sees you and He cares for you!"
We can't wait to meet you! And now we can pray for you by name!
(May I note here that she is currently somersaulting inside of me as I type!)
Thank you for all your tremendous help yesterday, friends! It was so much fun to hear all your name suggestions! I knew I could count on you ;) And if there are others of you who are also working on naming a girl, there are TONS of good ideas in the comments of that last post - please, help yourselves (except to Hazel Wren, of course!) ;)
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