03 March 2010

"And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." -Philippians 4:7

As we approach the birth of our daughter, there are a lot of things that I expected to feel: fear, anxiety, a desperate urgency to get this little life out of my womb while she's still alive.

And yes, I do experience those emotions as well from time to time.

But I have to say, I expected these days and weeks before Hazel is born to be more fearful for us - more anxious. This summer and fall I dreaded labor every time I thought of it. I would think of the trauma of Evie's birth and worry that I'd never be able to step foot on that labor and delivery floor again. I was afraid that I'd never be able to push Hazel out on my own because delivering a baby had such devastating "goodbye" associations for us rather than the usual ecstasy of "hello".

But Hazel is Hazel. She isn't Evie or Oliver or any of our other babes that have gone before her. She is our precious, unique 7th child. And the story our Lord has written for her, the plans He has for her (and for us with her) are just as unique.

In that same way, Hazel's delivery will not be like Evie's. It won't be like Oliver's either. That's the beauty of birth, I guess.

Oliver's birth began with my water breaking at home, progressed at the hospital without epidural and ended with him being delivered nearly 24 hours later to eager yet exhausted first-time parents who had NO idea what to expect.

Evie's birth began with heartbreaking news, progressed with every form of chemical induction possible, including the help of an epidural, and ended with her Mama and Daddy cradling her little body and singing "The Lord bless you and keep you..." to our precious daughter as we said goodbye to our little girl until Heaven.

I don't know how Hazel's birth will begin, how it will progress or even how it will end. What I do know is that I am overwhelmed by a peace that surpasses understanding in these days. I am reminded that we serve a God who is not only sovereign, but who is also loving and full of mercy.

He gave us this sweet baby in His timing - a complete surprise to her Mama and Daddy who were adjusting to (and praying for contentment as) a family of three. And since that time, while we worried daily whether our baby would survive the first trimester and if our little girl would have a healthy heart and body, our omnipotent God has perfectly formed her little body in a secret place, just as He did for Oliver and Evie Grace, so that she can be equipped to fulfill his plan for her unique, precious life and bring Him glory.

Thanks be to God!

And as I face today, 38 weeks and 3 days pregnant, I am savoring these moments with my girl rolling around in my womb. I am preparing my home, my family and my heart for a new life. And I am overwhelmed not by fear, but by a peace that surpasses understanding that the Lord is sovereign, merciful and loving. "In His book were written, every one of them, the days He formed for Hazel Wren Myers, when as yet there were none of them."

Peace, indeed!


Christine said...

Beautiful. You haven't written a post like this in awhile, and it's appreciated.

You and your family and your sweet precious girl are being bathed in prayers. Love you.

natali said...

such a beautiful post!

Angela said...

I am so, so excited for you!

Beckie said...

When we learned we were surprisingly pregnant with our second baby and I was lacking peace about it God spoke to me in a powerful way. During one of our Bible studies, we read about Elizabeth and Zechariah who prayed for a baby for years and only when God's timing was perfect did He bless them with John. Since then I have had such peace and patience about waiting on God. It is apparent from this post that you have found that same peace. Bless you and your family as you add another babe soon.

(New reader, first time commenter)

Jen said...

hey there, i just loved this post and loved hearing that you are living in peace during this time.

i am 35 weeks pregnant so just a little behind you. :) i have a little boy who is 6 years old who was born with a rare genetic disorder. it is called Treacher Collins Syndrome and it affects the growth of the facial bones. he has had more then 10 surgeries and will need more. we just adore him and are so thankful for him but it took me a while to want to get pregnant again because of fear. when he was 2 we thought we were ready to get pregnant again but God had other plans. we were unsuccessful for 3 and a half years of trying. then while we were living in Nashville last year going through some hard things (hubby potentially losing his job, helping my sister who was addicted to drugs and other things) WE GOT PREGNANT! God's timing is just amazing!!

i am not sure how i came across your blog but i think about you every so often. :) hope the next couple of weeks go smooth and can't wait to see pics of your sweet hazel. :)

jen mirabile

The Morrisons said...

oh, Rae how I needed your words today! Thank you friend. Love you.

Nicole said...

beautiful post. just what HE ordered!

Mateya said...

I have been a follower for awhile but don't know if I have ever commented. This post is such a testimony of your faith. I appreciate your honesty so much!

Jennie said...

I'm another one who has never commented (I think) but I am so happy for you and yours. This post was beautiful and as one of your now faithful readers, I can't wait to meet her and hear all about her too! Congratulations. :)

Candice Morse said...

Thank you so much for your beautiful post. My husband will be trying to conceive our first child, this month. You are a true woman of faith and encouragement to all of your readers. I pray that Hazel arrives soon and that you have a safe delivery. Looking foward to seeing pictures of what the Lord has been working on in your womb. :D God Bless.

Dana said...

I have three baby boys. We found out about our fourth baby and then a few days later, found out that our baby was made perfect in heaven. It was devastating. We're now expecting again. I'm just 7 weeks and am having a really hard time not being anxious and finding peace. This post has spoken words of truth to me, even while I hear the whisper from our Heavenly Father to be still and know that He is God, sometimes it takes the voice of someone else before we listen. Thank you.

Amy said...

Such a beautiful post! Thank you. I'll be coming back to read it often through the next couple months. I hope I can feel as peaceful as we get closer to having this baby. We lost our first unexpectedly at 37 weeks and now I am 24 weeks pregnant with our second. For the most part I do fine but there is always this part of me that is never sure if I'll get to keep this baby. I'm so excited for you and can't wait to hear of sweet Hazel's arrival. Thank you again for your faith and inspiration!

Claire said...

AMEN! He is good!

Marisa said...

Loved reading these words from you, Miss Raechel. Praying and praying for you in these hours (and days) of waiting for sweet Hazel...for continued peace, protection and incredible joy on the day you finally meet this precious little girl. What a blessed day that is coming.

Much love,

Erin said...

This post really touched me, you are so right that no birth is the same and no matter how planned and prepared we try to be, you just can't be when it comes to babies and children.

I love this post, I didn't know you had lost 5 babies?

Thinking about you as always!

Tara said...

you are so encouraging to me, Rae. Love you. Can't wait to see your lady!