A sweet friend of mine pointed out to me yesterday that I haven't been writing much lately - at least nothing substantial.
She's right. I haven't.
We talked about it a bit and I think I realized why. So much of what I write on this blog is about our baby girl - what I remember about her and her short life, what I miss about her, and how I try my best to function on days when I feel much more like staying in bed.
The thing is, I suppose I've become a bit self-conscious about it all at this point. It has been nearly a year now, and it's honestly still what's on my mind - what I want to talk about. I'm just afraid to do that anymore because I'm afraid of what people will think. (I know, that's stupid and I sound like a 3rd grader!) I'm scared that people will be annoyed that I am not "over it" yet, that it's been a year and I need to move on. I guess I should give y'all more credit than that, shouldn't I?
A big piece of my heart is still with Evie. It may always be that way.
So, thanks to you, B, for reminding me that it's my blog and I can cry if I want to! :) I don't know when I'll be ready to write about what's going on in my heart and head at this time. Reliving this 4th month of the year was bound to happen, but boy is it difficult. For now, I'll just ask you all for your prayer support. And, I can be comforted to remember, in the words of my new best friend Nancy Guthrie, "deep sadness and deep faith can coesixt".
And now, for my latest installment of "Way Back Whensday"! This week, I invited y'all to share photos of where you were 7 years ago at this time. (That'd be April 2002.)
Can I also just share that I have totally considered putting up a Mr. Linky for Way Back Whensday, but I'm just not sure I can handle the rejection if no one uses it! I know, I'm a nut. Would y'all like to be linked from here? Is anyone out there enjoying Way Back Whensday?
Okay, to begin, I believe with all my heart that these are the two most important photos I can share right now. Christine and I lived down the hall from one another in Williams Hall freshman year. It's hard to remember exactly what we were doing or why, but all I can remember is there was a small nook in the wall, and we wanted to see if we could squeeze in and have our photo taken. The big joke was that 'Stine was pretty sure everything but her ghetto booty would fit. I loved freshman year!
Apart from that little moment in Raechel & Christine history, I have a few other photos from that time to share.
For spring break that year Ryan and I flew down to Florida to visit our friends Mark and Megan (who were also LCS high school sweethearts and are now married as well!). Here are a few photos from that trip (probably why I was so tan in the photo above with Christine).
You may be able to see here a nickel on a leather cord around Ryan's neck. There's a great story behind that nickel. Remind me to tell it sometime.
This may not have been spring of '02, I can't remember. But, I love this picture because the guy in the tiger suit is smiling for the picture. It's just funny because when there's a camera and somebody says "smile!", it's just instinct!
Here's our official engagement photo. We were SO happy! (Still are, for the record!)
And, as I'm looking at these again, I am realizing that they're from spring of 2003. Marcie, Christine and I found a nest of baby bunnies that had been abandoned. We snuck them into our apartment and took care of them for a week or so. We even took them into WalMart with us, bought infant formula and baby bottles (what were we thinking??) and eventually decided to sneak food from salad bar in the cafeteria for them. We eventually had a bunny farewell across the street at Perry Farms (when the photos were taken). What can I say, were were mothers at heart!
That's all for this week. I'd love to hear your suggestions for a good "Way Back Whensday" theme for next week. Leave me a comment if you have an idea!