10 February 2009

I have two important matters of business tonight.

Really, one serious thing and one sort of silly thing.

First, and really most importantly, I'm asking you all for prayer. The risky thing about announcing a pregnancy so that you all can pray is that when things go badly, I have to give you all the sad news. I know you have all been praying and rooting us on, and I've wanted to wait to say anything until I was sure, but we are now confident that this baby is no longer present with us on earth, but is now in the presence of God.

We've had a hard couple of days. God granted us the grace to get through the weekend with the adoption fundraiser, but by Sunday night and Monday we were pretty certain what was happening. I am so, so sad. And, to be honest, I have moments of being pretty angry too.

We're just not sure what direction God is leading our family right now. We're beginning to think that more biological children may not be in our future. This is a REALLY hard thing to swallow. And, we're trying to table that discussion at least until we give ourselves time to grieve this one child, rather than try to pile on grieving the dream of any more children.

We are weary. And, we have a couple of really difficult days ahead of us, both physically and emotionally. Please pray for our family. We are just so weary.

Well, now the second thing feels so stupid and insignificant. It seemed important earlier. I just wanted to tell you all that I am quickly approaching 10,000 hits on my blog. I wanted to invite you all to pay attention and, if you're the 10,000th visitor, take a screen shot. For Macs, it's apple+shift+3; for PCs I think you press the "print screen" button. (You may remember the time I tried to be the 3,000,000th hit on MckMama's blog?)

Anyhow, if you are the 10,000th visitor, and you can send me a screen shot, you win! Maybe you win a prize, maybe you just win the joy of winning. It depends on how my day is going, I guess. (Nothing like having a fickle game host!)

That's all, friends. The blog hit thing is fun, yes, but really do pray for our family this week when you think of us.



Ebe said...

Raechel, I am so sorry. This makes no sense.
My husband and I lost three babies last year; Owen was full term. All that to say, you are not walking this road alone.
We will pray.
Praying that He will hold you in His arms and comfort you as only He can.
Aching with you tonight,

Susan Graham said...

I am so sorry for your loss. If you ever get to the point where you want to talk I'm always here. I understand what it is like to struggle with something that comes so easily for others.

love always


Tracy said...

Raechel- I am so sorry. You know my situation and know that I understand. It sucks. Each and every time. It sucks bad. I'm actually angry for you. Things like this are so hard to comprehend and so hard to understand. God's plan seems so mysterious and hidden sometimes.

We've had the same feelings as you, "are we supposed to have more biological children?" but so far, the answer for us is that we keep trying. I think you're right to wait until you fully grieve this precious baby before you decide and about future children.

I'll be praying for your family, as always.

Dan & Hillary and little Russell said...

Oh, Raechel, I'm so sorry your heart is breaking once again. I thought for sure this would be your miracle.

We have not been able to swallow that we might not have another biological child. Denial is good for us, I think.

Dan & Hillary and little Russell said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Claire Wise Photography said...

I am so sorry Raechel. Thoughts and prayers for your family.

Anonymous said...

I couldn't hardly leave my name. I have never met you. I only have had the same situation in life with a loss. Just one, so in the Olympics of pain it doesn't come close to what you have experienced. What I have learned though is to not compare others' plight with our own. I have learned to appreciate what I have today. I have learned that alienating friends with children has been a bad thing for me to do. I find encouragement in your words because I don't feel you would do that - alienate others, compare others, etc... perhaps I have a lot more growing in Christ to do.

I'm glad that you still embrace everyone in your life - friends too - with children.

That has been the hardest part for me.

I hate I didn't win the game. Google bot probably was your 10,000 visitor as google spiders crawl all day making the counter grow.

Thanks for opening your heart.

Carol Jean said...

Raechel and Ryan,
We are so sorry for your loss of another precious little one! I pray that God is close to both of you right now (and accoding to your blogs, I can see that He is...). We didn't know about your loss until this morning when talking to Grandma Posey. I'm so sorry!
Aunt Carol